The Tempur-Pedic Tantrum

Good morning.

It's been a long time, my friends.

It all started with a tantrum I threw.

You would have been so proud.

It all started with an idea I had. It was an original idea - a good idea. Apparently it was so good that many felt the need to copy it. And so, like an original Xerox machine the idea was used and abused until it was streaky and just not pretty at all.

Then, I had a tantrum. I refused to put out any more original ideas, saving all my best material for those who would follow the proper channels and all of the rules.

Then, I remembered that I may be a bitch, but I'm not a bureaucrat.

So, I'm back. For now. Lord only knows when I'll get grumpy again.

Beating the bureaucrat,

L

Here I Am (The Public Health Threat)

Hurumph.

Friends, I am slightly bitter over here in Linnie Land.

It all started last week, on Wednesday: while standing in line at the grocery store I sneezed. I wish I could say it was a cute little girl sneeze - one of the barely there blow outs, but no, it was not.

As I've mentioned before, the Powers that Be have decided my motto is "go big or go home". My sneezes are no exception, to be completely honest, I sneeze like a horse. Big and beautiful. I do, of course, ensure that my nose and mouth are pointed in such a direction as to limit the contact of my sneeze by-product with the rest of the public.

Unfortunately, none of this seemed to matter. In one quick swoop I had been push to the bottom of the public pool, I was infected. All conversations halted and I was cut out and ignored.

I was the new leper on the block, and baby, I rocked it.

Regardless, I went home furious that the public fear of disease has grown so great. I laughed at the hens behind me clucking about their insatiable need for anti-bacterial cleansers, gels and sprays.

I satisfied myself with their ignorance (all those anti-bacterial products do nothing but clean the weakest of germs, leaving the big bad ones to infect you) and my newly purchased chocolate ice cream.

A week later, I am sick. My face is leaking, I am freezing cold and my skin hurts. I have enough mucus to feed a small army (if armies ate mucus).

To you ladies in the grocery store: touche.

You have won the battle, but I will win the war.

What is your view on anti-bacterial? Are you pro Purell?

Fighting the (ferocious) flu,

L

Let's Talk About Sex: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Daddy always said I avoid speaking about politics and religion. Well, this may be political, it may be religious but above all else it is sexual.

Recently the "don't ask, don't tell" policy entered into the news, the Canadian news. It's a cold day when (you hit the Canadian news).

Well, here is my two cents about the matter.

First, I think that gays have as much of a right to fight for their country than anyone else. Gay, straight, bisexual, who cares? It does not matter to me, nor should it matter to anyone else.

Second, I do not agree with the policy as it currently stands. Sexual orientation, like an individual's sex, should not play a role in one's employment. One should not fear being found out (unless they are touting cocaine across a border, or something of the same).

Third, I agree with the statement, "don't ask, don't tell" in its raw state, free of the bill currently on the table. This statement needs to apply to all.

Currently, in the Canadian military one is not permitted to have a relationship of any sexual substance while deployed. This applies to any type of sexual relationship, regardless of orientation.

Whether deployed or not, why does one have to advertise their sexual orientation? Is this not gauche? A man who walks up to me, all muscles and attitude, coyly mumbling, "Hey baby, I'd like a ride on your gravy train!" gets as much attention as some woman telling me what "wonderful tits" I have.

Unless I am actively searching for a sexual partner, and a quick one at that, any type of advances from any individual are unneeded. If you know me well your advances are even less likely to be desired (as I am currently married to the Newf and he doesn't take well to competition).

So, while in the military I do not see the reason why any one individual would ever have to discuss their sexual orientation. I cannot think of an instance where saying "Oh, by the way, I'm gay/hetero/bi." is going to improve the combative situation, or further, a tense work environment. Your orientation isn't going to pull that trigger faster.

If your flashy mannerisms express your sexuality, hetero or homo, they should be toned down. One needs to be aware of their actions and how they affect others. Sexual advances or connotations are not always desired and they can constitute harassment.

Are you in favour of a "don't ask, don't tell" policy? Do you have your own view of an appropriate policy? Do you think I'm completely out to lunch with my idea?

DO TELL!

Armed and dangerous,

L