Some Sass for your Sunday: The Little Black Glove

Good evening my darling delinquents,

Are you missing a little lace in your life? Desperate to feel daring? Or maybe, just maybe, you want to wow your wardrobe?

Well, I have a little surprise for you! Your quest for sassy spice has ended!

For the first time on Linnie gets Laced I have a press release to share (you can't imagine how suave I feel right about now). This is hot to the touch, oh so sexy, and just in time for all of those spectacular party dresses I know you (or your lady friends) will be rocking this season!

Feast your eyes on these beauties:

You can shop this fabulous line at The Little Black Glove.

These gorgeous gloves are part of the brand new holiday line, designed by Miss Numa herself. Not only is this lady chicer than most cats, but she knows her gloves.

Now, who wants to argue with a lady like that?

Miss Numa knows her gloves. She started wearing them while performing as a showgirl in a musical. To her dismay, she was forced to return her prized possessions every night at the performance end.

Years and a massive vintage glove collection later and this fox found her calling: she started designing her first collection. It has done amazingly well (think editorial, runway and celebrity press) and the reason for that is obvious.

If you are even a little bit like me your inner bitch battles to have the best outfit at the whatever shindig you are at. You not only want to look good, you want to own that room.

The best way to do that? Find a trend or piece that no one else has worn yet. Better yet, find one that is unknown and catches the eye of the gentlemen sharing in the festivities.

There is no better way to win the fashion game than to be that girl. You know, the hot girl in the black gloves...

Which ones are your favourite? What would you wear them with?

I'm dying to get my hands on the Tuxedos (pun fully intended). I'd wear them with everything from my military greens to my tight pencil skirts.

Oh, and for my fellow Canucks, yes, she ships to Canada (or wherever your lovely fingers may lie).

Giving it in gloves,

L

Party Crashed (A How-To Guide)

On my way out for an evening walk it became deafening obvious the neighbours were having a party.

Not having any other plans (and a brand new Anna Scott dress) I decided to crash it.

Judging by the sounds (aka the bass) pounding from the adjacent backyard it was decidedly a younger crowd.  So, I quickly dropped off the dog and dressed for the bash.  A little difficult, despite the outdoor nature of the party, as the eight foot privacy fence made it more than hard to see what exactly was going on.

Not only that, I had never met these people so know very little about them.

Keeping in mind that I am not the stealthy type (you have to talk to the Newf for that kind of business) I enact the blunt method of party crashing.  I knock on the door and say, "Hey", "Hello", "What's shakin' ", essentially, whatever greeting matches the creature that opened the door.

Well, this is a definite MUST HAVE list for crashing a party like an A-lister:

1.) Attitude - No one will ever let you crash a party if you don't look like you belong.  Meekly knocking on the door and asking to come in will get you nowhere.  Confidence and the kinda cool that only comes from knowing you are just-that-hot will get you in almost any door.  Early in my party crashing days my attitude came from a bottle.

2.) Alcohol - Especially with a younger or more informal crowd, an obvious excess of alcohol is your ticket into that party.  Hey, I never said this would be free.  Unless an uninvited someone looks like a hot James Dean, or this guy, they are not getting through my door if I will have to provide them with my own booze.  I am taking a risk by letting you in the door, why risk my alcohol too?

If you've ever had to supply liquor to a lush (or a wedding full of Newfoundlanders) you will understand my plight.

3.) Appearance - I am not saying you have to be the next Angelina, but it definitely helps if you gussy yourself up a little bit.  Ladies, break out the hardcore mascara and glowing complexion; guys, make sure you shave/trim/comb/whatever it is you do.  Try to dress the part, using as much information as you have.

Tonight I knew very little, however, I did know:

• The hosts either lived, or were close with someone who lived, in a very expensive house.  Judging by others in my neighbourhood and the general decorations of the inhabitants of said house it was safe to say that brand names would impress.
• They enjoyed "chugging" and loud music, the loud bass told me they had not yet had the enjoyment of yelling, "What?!?  I can't hear you!" at a party with loud bass.  This screamed high school or first year university.    
• The party was taking place outside and carefully selected dance and house were blasting across the yard.  This means informal drinking, dancing and the possibility of a pool were the main attractions.

As such I dressed to impress a younger crowd: a hot halter bikini (top and bottom) and a black, clingy, low cut V-neck, jersey dress.  Topped it off with neon polish on the toes and matching lipstick and I was good to go.  The key was to make an impression without totally standing out.  If you are crashing and blinding at a party you quickly become the one everyone is whispering about, no matter how good your game.

In my arms I carried just over half a 24 of Sleeman's Original Draught and a large (read 750 mL) lidded cup complete with my own personal beverage.

I was ready to go.  I smoothly and steadily approached the house; never go too fast on approaching, someone is bound to see you.  I knocked on the door and a (cute!) boy answered!  I smiled coyly, gave him my best "I'm just SO MUCH fun" look and huskily breathed "It sounded like you guys could use this" while motioning at my beer.  As he took the beer I started dancing with my shoulders - if I had been wearing a shorter dress I would have danced with my bottom.

He invited me in, even giving me a slight bottom pat on the way through the door.

Damn I can be smooth sometimes.

If a girl had answered I would have immediately complemented whatever she was wearing (or any other obvious, nonsexual part), told her I lived next door and mentioned my husband.  Assuming she likes boys I have done two things: admitted inferiority by complementing her and providing information she could share with the rest of the group and disarmed her by admitting I was no threat to her conquests of the night, as I already have a (committed) man.

Unfortunately the party was broken up a mere half hour after my entrance.

It was a party of young (drunk) adults, enough to know I was unlikely to make any lasting connections.  

This became completely obvious when the police broke the party up.

Oh well, not all is lost.  My new jersey dress has been broken in and now, if I need to move something heavy I have a number of young boys who owe me a favour (because we all know I am not getting that beer back).  

The Newf can certainly move things heavy but why would he when his wife is wearing a hot jersey dress?

Unfailingly yours,

L

Apology Accepted (A How-To Guide)

Today was difficult.  Today, I messed up and had to pay the price; I had to apologize to The Parentals.  Now, I genuinely like and respect my parents so this made the task that much harder.

You see, it was harmless really, but it was hard.  

The Newf, The Beast and I were visiting my parents and my brother, Yak.  Yak is the only boy I know who can talk his way into a woman's arms while keeping a couple ladies waiting-in-the wings in case the first doesn't work out.  What is worse, the ladies love him for it. 

This weekend, Yak was charge of watching a dog which is well known to The Beast.  Yak was also out doing what he does best which is chat ladies up over a pint or two.  As a result, the bitch under Yak's charge was left unattended and woke up my parents at 3 A.M.

Not a big deal you say, I wasn't responsible for the dog.  Well, my parents, robed and still feeling the anger of lifting of slumber, attempted to deposit the dog with my (missing) brother.  Instead they found me in the backyard; they found me doing something I definitely should not have been doing.  Ouch.

To make matters worse, my parents were roused because this dog was attempting to wake The Beast for a midnight romp.

Yep, you've got it.  The Beast is such a frigging stud that his bitch-friend woke my parents who, in turn, caught me with my pants down.

The only rebound I had was to bite the bullet and admit defeat.

I hate apologizing, especially when you really mean it.  I feel small, sheepish and vulnerable admitting I am wrong.  Apparently the sentiment is not limited to me, which is why everyone has abandoned the practice.  This removes the initial pain, but you still look like a boob.  

I did the crime, I have to do the time.  

An apology is required any time your actions have caused a negative impact on another.  What needs to be decided, immediately, is whether this apology is sincere.  This decision needs to be made in the privacy of your own mind and is never to be discussing in proper conversation.  

Not every apology is sincere but please try to make the majority of your apologies meaningful.  Understand that there is a difference in making an apology you mean and apologizing for the sake of merit and saving face.

If you are in the position where you must apologize and you do not mean it, there is a way to include a subtle insult to ensure that not only does your image remain intact but your nemesis will regret crossing you. 

Here is the How-To Guide to Sincere Apologies:

1.) Your apology must be free from pre tense or deceit, you must genuinely want to express your regret.  This means the apology cannot be part and parcel to an ulterior motive. 

2.) Eye contact - just as in public speaking, eye contact attaches you to your audience.  Even if it is for a fleeting moment, connect with the person to whom you are expressing regret.

3.) Acknowledge your fault.  Whether it was intentional does not matter.  I didn't mean to miss the fact the dog was shattering the atmosphere of the sleeping.   Nothing elaborate, but an "I'm sorry the dog woke you, I should have been watching Dumpster Dog" resonates a lot more than a simple, "I'm sorry".    This also avoids the possibility of misinterpretation - am I sorry The Beast is hotter than hot, am I sorry I was caught without my pants or am I sorry my negligence woke The Parentals?  This way you acknowledge the grievance and make it completely clear which fault you regret.  I would never apologize for my dirty little act or the hot Beast as I enjoy both and they alone committed no offence.

4.) Take responsibility for your actions.  Do NOT blame someone or something else; do not provide an explanation.  It just doesn't matter - what does matter is that you are truly sorry for you actions and it will not happen again.

5.) If you really bungled something up, say, you accidentally ran over the dog that ruined your night, send a handwritten note directly AFTER the apology.  Please, PLEASE, complete the initial apology in person.  You may have messed up, but you are not a coward - face this head on.

What have you had to apologize for lately?  Was it sincere?

Sheepishly yours,

L