Sunday, August 1, 2010

Apology Accepted (A How-To Guide)

Today was difficult.  Today, I messed up and had to pay the price; I had to apologize to The Parentals.  Now, I genuinely like and respect my parents so this made the task that much harder.

You see, it was harmless really, but it was hard.  

The Newf, The Beast and I were visiting my parents and my brother, Yak.  Yak is the only boy I know who can talk his way into a woman's arms while keeping a couple ladies waiting-in-the wings in case the first doesn't work out.  What is worse, the ladies love him for it. 

This weekend, Yak was charge of watching a dog which is well known to The Beast.  Yak was also out doing what he does best which is chat ladies up over a pint or two.  As a result, the bitch under Yak's charge was left unattended and woke up my parents at 3 A.M.

Not a big deal you say, I wasn't responsible for the dog.  Well, my parents, robed and still feeling the anger of lifting of slumber, attempted to deposit the dog with my (missing) brother.  Instead they found me in the backyard; they found me doing something I definitely should not have been doing.  Ouch.

To make matters worse, my parents were roused because this dog was attempting to wake The Beast for a midnight romp.

Yep, you've got it.  The Beast is such a frigging stud that his bitch-friend woke my parents who, in turn, caught me with my pants down.

The only rebound I had was to bite the bullet and admit defeat.

I hate apologizing, especially when you really mean it.  I feel small, sheepish and vulnerable admitting I am wrong.  Apparently the sentiment is not limited to me, which is why everyone has abandoned the practice.  This removes the initial pain, but you still look like a boob.  

I did the crime, I have to do the time.  

An apology is required any time your actions have caused a negative impact on another.  What needs to be decided, immediately, is whether this apology is sincere.  This decision needs to be made in the privacy of your own mind and is never to be discussing in proper conversation.  

Not every apology is sincere but please try to make the majority of your apologies meaningful.  Understand that there is a difference in making an apology you mean and apologizing for the sake of merit and saving face.

If you are in the position where you must apologize and you do not mean it, there is a way to include a subtle insult to ensure that not only does your image remain intact but your nemesis will regret crossing you. 

Here is the How-To Guide to Sincere Apologies:

1.) Your apology must be free from pre tense or deceit, you must genuinely want to express your regret.  This means the apology cannot be part and parcel to an ulterior motive. 

2.) Eye contact - just as in public speaking, eye contact attaches you to your audience.  Even if it is for a fleeting moment, connect with the person to whom you are expressing regret.

3.) Acknowledge your fault.  Whether it was intentional does not matter.  I didn't mean to miss the fact the dog was shattering the atmosphere of the sleeping.   Nothing elaborate, but an "I'm sorry the dog woke you, I should have been watching Dumpster Dog" resonates a lot more than a simple, "I'm sorry".    This also avoids the possibility of misinterpretation - am I sorry The Beast is hotter than hot, am I sorry I was caught without my pants or am I sorry my negligence woke The Parentals?  This way you acknowledge the grievance and make it completely clear which fault you regret.  I would never apologize for my dirty little act or the hot Beast as I enjoy both and they alone committed no offence.

4.) Take responsibility for your actions.  Do NOT blame someone or something else; do not provide an explanation.  It just doesn't matter - what does matter is that you are truly sorry for you actions and it will not happen again.

5.) If you really bungled something up, say, you accidentally ran over the dog that ruined your night, send a handwritten note directly AFTER the apology.  Please, PLEASE, complete the initial apology in person.  You may have messed up, but you are not a coward - face this head on.

What have you had to apologize for lately?  Was it sincere?

Sheepishly yours,


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