Wednesday, August 11, 2010

It's A Wicked Wednesday: Garnering a Nemesis

Over here in Linnie Land, I find pleasure in the oddest of places.  It keeps me happy (my booze budget just isn't there).  Today, on this Wicked Wednesday, a word on enjoying your nemesis.

I have an enemy and I love to hate her.  My skin crawls at her mention and yet, I cannot get enough of her.  She is my opposite in so many ways and yet I find her so incredibly intriguing, I just cannot get enough.  

Who is this girl, you ask?  Who is the evil soul who plagues my psyche?  She is unspeakable, she is my nemesis.

Everyone has a nemesis, they just don't like to admit it.  Very few have the ability to enjoy their nemesis but you can.

If you don't have a nemesis I suggest you find one, pronto.  Man or woman you need a nemesis.  People are defined by the food they eat, their friends and their nemesis.  If you don't have a nemesis what does that say about you (it says nothing and who wants to be nothing)?

The key is to properly appropriating a nemesis is to avoid becoming so wrapped up in your foe that you take it seriously.  It's not.  The last thing you want to be is deranged or the new stalker in town. 

To be a proper nemesis one must:

1.) Be an individual.  I know, I know, it would be so much easier to dislike the entire group but that is just too taxing a task.  There is enough hate in the world, use your nemesis as an outlet, not a hate-mongering business.

2.) Have done something that actually annoyed you.  It is no good to have a nemesis that has done nothing wrong.  They have to majorly drive you nuts, at least for part of the day.

3.) NOT have abhorrently insulted you.  Remember, this is for fun not business.  I am not in the business of creating hate.  We have true evil people to do that for us.

4.) Be visible in a public forum.  You have to keep up on what your nemesis is doing otherwise your love/hate relationship will bite the dust?  This must be done in a public forum otherwise you risk treading onto stalker territory.

5.) Actually have the ability to win.  It is no good to pick a fight you are guaranteed to win.  In fact, that is downright despicable and will never be supported by myself.  You need a challenge and people of proper society always fight a fair fight.

6.) Most importantly, be the beginning of your end.  Whether it be your image, your day, your graduation picture, your nemesis must be able to ruin you (or already have - even Britney had a comeback).  Take this statement however you would like.  I encourage out-of-the-box thinking.

In choosing your enemy show a little gumption.  Be creative.  I was once so angry with my younger brother, Yak, that he was my nemesis for the better part of a year.  His crime?  He "forgot" to reload the toilet tissue and I was left stranded in an isolated bathroom in the middle of my fabulous birthday party.  I spent close to thirty minutes with my skirt hitched up around my ears, my bum sore with its position on the porcelain throne.  I was unable to leave the bathroom for fear of a partygoer finding me bare-assed and rummaging for something to complete my dirty task.  Eventually I settled on a sailing magazine.  Those are thirty minutes (and a shred of dignity) that I will never get back.

So, you've got a nemesis lined up.  You despise them, they make you want to pull out your hair and pretty it up all at the same time.  What do you do with them?

First, a nemesis is an amazing scape goat.  If I have had a bad day the Newf can be sure he will be hearing about how my most-hated crossed me.  Sometimes we (especially women) need something to complain about.  You do not want to solve your problems (what does that accomplish), you just want to rant (much more satisfying).  Who better to rant about than the thorn in your side?

Eventually this gets old and you need a new, more meaningful purpose for your newfound enemy.  Think of this as the ultimate video game.  You aren't out to hurt your nemesis but instead, wish to cause them as much discomfort as you were once caused.  

This is why it is oh-so-important you do not take this notion out of control.  You would hate to truly cause someone pain.  What you do want is to win.  You want to overthrow your nemesis in the game you originally lost.  This way you can hold your head high knowing you have accomplished something truly worthwhile: a sense of achievement.  

In the aforementioned example of Yak and the missing toilet tissue, I waited and hated for almost twelve months until my opportunity came: his first steady girlfriend was coming over for Valentine's Day.  He had cooked her a fabulous meal of tacos (give the little man creativity points), spread rose petals over the table and was feverishly nervous.  That day, before I left, I removed any trace of milk or bread in the house.  The poor kid didn't know what had hit him, but I did: a whole whack of hot peppers.

It was a fair trade, well not quite, but that is why I WON.

Currently, my nemesis is a girl who I quite like.  I disagree with almost every opinion she has but that doesn't mean I don't like her!  She writes the first blog I ever read regularly and she inspired me to start my own writing (at a very difficult point of my life I might add).  Unfortunately we had a difference of opinion and we both walked away wounded.  I was a tad too blunt and she was a tad immature.  She slide into the nemesis position once she blocked me from all of her social media and continued to call me names.  She didn't even give our friendship a chance.  This hurt my feelings; I really wanted to be her friend. 

I am still able to read her blog (making her visible but keeping me from stalker status), but refrain from commenting.  A few battles have been won by my army but I grow weary.

Now, I am slated to be her enemy and we will have to wait an see which of us is victorious.  If we are lucky, and the battle is well waged, we will be equally triumphant.

By now, Blogger She-Nemesis, I would be honoured to call it a draw.

Solidly yours,



  1. I have to say I got a big smile across my face when you finally got to get even with your brother. Nothing is worse than someone forgetting to put more toilet paper in the bathroom! I never forget anything anyone says about me and although I have a good sense of humor, I dislike outright hateful comments. Your nemesis should give your friendship another chance. It sounds like you didn't do anything too bad at all. I enjoy your sense of humor. My blog is a fashion blog so I keep the writing light and superficial, but if I could I would let it rip! haha

  2. Well thank you, it is always nice to have someone in your corner.

    Alas, I do not think it is meant to be.