Music Monday: I Feel Fine

How was your weekend my lovelies?

The Newf and I hit some major shopping locales and spent the day swamped with crowds.

I don't know how we made it out alive.

To celebrate the coming of the crazy Christmas consumer season I have something special up my sleeve.

I am sure you have heard this track before - it suitably makes mentioned of four apocalyptic references: earthquake (as in the opening of the sixth seal in the Book of Revelation and the Synoptic Gospels), birds (as in Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds and one character's reference to Old Testament scripture), snakes (an Ancient Egyptian god, Apep, was represented as a snake and made daily attempts to devour the sun) and aeroplane (a modern prospect of nuclear holocaust).

Bounce around, my beauties, to Great Big Sea's.'s It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine).

Great Big Sea does a cover of R.E.M.'s original version, but I like it (and the video) better. Let's face it, Canadian is a good way to go.

Do you battle the crazy crowds? Do you think the end is near? Or do you just avoid the Christmas shopping season?

The Newf says I'm paranoid. I say I'm ready.

Here's to avoiding the crazies,

L

Picking a Fight with the Police

I honked my horn at a cop the other day.

He was sitting in a marked car, plain as day. I don't normally honk my horn, but I didn't like his attitude. Seriously.

Dude cut me off by way of the left hand turning lane. There was no need, traffic was moving at a decent pace, the sun was shining. But no. He had to roar up next to me and literally cut in front without so much as a hand wave.

He was a big important police man. He had places to go.

Then he cut me off and I snapped. "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!"

Now normally I avoid honking my horn. It is rather rude; Miss Manners compares it to yelling and I think she has a point. Horns are loud and obnoxious, just like the crazy guy randomly yelling at the local mall. I am, however, the queen of using my horn to bring attention to road rage ruffians who attempt to scare me into doing what I'm told. The best way to deter someone from pressing on with their poor behaviour is to lay on that noise maker with everything your mama gave you. People always hate having public attention drawn to their foibles.

This guy was embarrassed and enraged. He looked back at me with indignation in his wrinkled face. I held my breath as the lights went on. "Not again Linds," the Newf snorted; "I thought you learned not to argue with the men in blue."

Full disclosure, cops are not my favourite people. Somewhere between my dislike for authority, growing up with a father as a lawyer and being arrested as my house burned to the ground, a strong dislike for police has formed. Don't get me wrong, I'm a good girl and I stay out of trouble.

For some reason, that doesn't deter the fucking fuzz. They follow me like a Boston creme donut needs its creme filling. Newf says I'm paranoid, I say he doesn't appreciate my situation. I mean, I could be the next Mad Max.

At this point, the lights are on, his siren is wailing and I am contemplating how hard it will be to pull a U turn next to a subway station.

Country girls never have to deal with this; the rule of thumb is to get your car out of sight. Once the cop can't see you anymore he can't lay charges, because he can't say it was certainly you. It is a great rule, unless he has your license plate number or you are surrounded by innocent people and cement barricades.

Then an amazing thing happened. The police officer bolted forward - an emergency had clearly come over his radio as he stared me down. Thank goodness, whoever was in trouble called off his request for assistance. Once his car cleared the city bus his sirens and lights were turned off.

Whatever, I escaped the lecture and the Newf has something else to rib me about. After all, that whole puke in the pumpkin incident was getting pretty old.

Avoiding authority,

L

It's All About Me: Time to Go Back to School

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that I had some big beans to spill. As an extremely superstitious person I tend to hold back on announcements, waiting until contracts are signed and bills are paid.

Today is that day.

You may remember that I recently asked for your help with a project I was working on.

You, my lovely readers came out in spades to assist me - something I am completely grateful for.

Well, that project was my photography portfolio. And that portfolio was successful. I start school in January.

This is exciting for a number of reasons, one of which being the incredibly cool camera I bought today. But the biggest reason this acceptance has me grinning from ear to ear is the very simple reason that I thought my plan was a long shot.

I've always been a little more mad scientist than moody artist. My university career began in chemistry labs and ended in breaking apart bones in the forensics wing. My life and judgements tend to fall in one of two categories: black or white.

As a logical being I never thought I would have a place in art, but I've proved myself wrong.

The Newf, who has been incredibly encouraging as I spend money we don't have, thinks it is a perfect fit. He is convinced I will be take the world by storm and is sickly supportive of anything that will get me onto a boat.

I've got my work cut out for me. Until yesterday I had never laid my hands on a DSLR, let alone own one. However, I have the next two years in a program to begin my love affair with my new best friend: my Nikon D7000.

Friends, thank you for your ideas and thank you for your support.

Soon to be a student (again),

L

Music Monday: We're Mad About Madcon

Good morning my misfits,

It's a Mondo Monday around here! To enjoy the mega star shining on my week so far, I have my ultimately favourite song of the year lined up to break this week open.

I could tell you these beats became the big number uno in Norway, blasting away the charts in France, the Netherlands, the UK and Germany, but who needs statistics? We have pure proof to jive to today, my turkeys.

This remix has been completely re-recorded: the instrumentals were performed by 3Elementz and the vocals are completely Madcon.

If you are completely down and out, this puppy will perk you up. If you are already basking in blissfulness this tidbit will allow you to ride that high.

To start your week, I m tabling "Beggin" by Madcon:

So, the question is: what kind of controller would they find in your hands?

Personally, I'm an original Nintendo type girl.

Rocking out to remixes,

L

Some Sass for your Sunday: The Little Black Glove

Good evening my darling delinquents,

Are you missing a little lace in your life? Desperate to feel daring? Or maybe, just maybe, you want to wow your wardrobe?

Well, I have a little surprise for you! Your quest for sassy spice has ended!

For the first time on Linnie gets Laced I have a press release to share (you can't imagine how suave I feel right about now). This is hot to the touch, oh so sexy, and just in time for all of those spectacular party dresses I know you (or your lady friends) will be rocking this season!

Feast your eyes on these beauties:

You can shop this fabulous line at The Little Black Glove.

These gorgeous gloves are part of the brand new holiday line, designed by Miss Numa herself. Not only is this lady chicer than most cats, but she knows her gloves.

Now, who wants to argue with a lady like that?

Miss Numa knows her gloves. She started wearing them while performing as a showgirl in a musical. To her dismay, she was forced to return her prized possessions every night at the performance end.

Years and a massive vintage glove collection later and this fox found her calling: she started designing her first collection. It has done amazingly well (think editorial, runway and celebrity press) and the reason for that is obvious.

If you are even a little bit like me your inner bitch battles to have the best outfit at the whatever shindig you are at. You not only want to look good, you want to own that room.

The best way to do that? Find a trend or piece that no one else has worn yet. Better yet, find one that is unknown and catches the eye of the gentlemen sharing in the festivities.

There is no better way to win the fashion game than to be that girl. You know, the hot girl in the black gloves...

Which ones are your favourite? What would you wear them with?

I'm dying to get my hands on the Tuxedos (pun fully intended). I'd wear them with everything from my military greens to my tight pencil skirts.

Oh, and for my fellow Canucks, yes, she ships to Canada (or wherever your lovely fingers may lie).

Giving it in gloves,

L

Wordless Wednesday: Fog and Logs

An eery evening with fog and two gorgeous Canadian pines.

Music Monday: Bowie's a Rebel

I'm a little late; no, I'm a lot late. Either way, I still have a song for you.

This week I have to make a decision, a decision that is likely going to change the face of Linnie for good. It's a decision that has my nearest and dearest stumped, and maybe that isn't a bad thing. Sometimes, it is good to shake the pot up a little bit.

That is exactly what David Bowie did with this beauty. This song was Bowie's farewell to the glam rock movement that made him a star.

Ladies and gents, please dance around the room to Rebel Rebel.

Sometimes it is good to be bad; it's even better when you're different.

Defying my disposition,

L

A Day to Remember

Ladies and gentlemen,

Lest we forget.

Today is a day to remember, remember what so many have sacrificed to ensure we could enjoy the ultimate comfort, our freedom.

I am not going to prattle on about my experiences and relations with war or the veterans that fought in them. I am not because we as a generation have no understanding of war. We have no understanding of true hardship and absolute sacrifice. We have only the stories our veterans relay, the knowledge that humans are capable of horrible things.

We are not victims. We are not, because they protected us.

So today, please wear your poppy with pride. Please remember that today has nothing to do with us, but it has everything to do with passing on the invaluable message of our aging generation. Today is about their message and having the ability to tell it.

Lest we forget.

Yours,

L

Wordless Wednesday: My Newfs, With Words

I have some quick photos to share. A rare glimpse into the life that is mine.

The Beast and the Newf, aloof and without bribes.

The Beast and the Newf, much happier, after being bribed with fish.

Never underestimate the power of a Newf's stomach.

Have a good one.

It's a wonderful Wednesday,

L

A Little Tease, A Little Tired

Booyah.

I have some big news brewing. It is rather exciting for me and I cannot wait to share.

I want to have a chance to chat with the Newf, make it official and then I will discuss further.

Right now I am so tired I can't see straight. In an attempt to reset my inner clock I stayed up all night and I am hurting today. It is obvious I am no longer a spring chicken.

I guess that makes me a hen. Cluck cluck, baby.

Strutting and sleepy,

L

Music Monday: Yolanda Be Cool (I Assure You This Is)

Good morning my friends!

Just in case the extra hour of sleep didn't make you smile enough, I've got a special double feature for you.

This video was sent to me by the oh so lovely My Girl Thursday. This lovely lady really is a dame, and completely witty. She's far from normal and that alone is worth a look; we appreciate anything out of the box over here.

There is no room for normal.

According to this doll, this video has been viral for awhile now (I'm always late) but just in case, I thought it was worth a look.

The song is catchy, and I believe the first pop song featured on Music Monday.

Released on an Australian label earlier this year, the track samples a 1956 song "Tu duo fa l'americano", written by Renato Carosone and Nicola "Nisa" Salerno. This Neapolitan language hit was one of Renato's most famous songs and was recently remade by our featured artist.

Have a jump and jive to "We Speak No Americano", remade by Yolanda Be Cool.

Isn't that impressive? The hand-eye coordination and memory required is just mind boggling; not to mention the straight faces, I think I'd burst! Unlike the song, their routine omits any kind of chorus in movement and they look so much alike they could be twins (I really hope they are).

The pair isn't bad looking either. He can feed me grapes (or whatever), whenever he wants. The Newf has a similar opinion of the hand-dancing miss. All is fair. . .

Anyways, I digress. Keep in mind that this is not the track's official video but just a feat of finger field events. Hopefully that extra hour of sleep has me as ready and rearing to go as their hot hands.

Did you enjoy your extra hour of sleep this weekend? Was it put to good use or completely squandered? What did you do to celebrate?

Have a fabulous week!

Dancing with my digits,

L

Showing My Geeky Side: Gaming Giggles

Good evening my darlings, how was your weekend?

Did you enjoy the extra hour of sleep this morning?

I sure did. So much so, I got giddy and decided to share a few pics that (actually) made me laugh out loud.

Enjoy, and happy Sunday.

Surfing on a Sunday,

L

Breaking News (and the Rules), One Ball of Yarn at a Time

Oh goodness, it would only happen to me.

After spending the last couple of days surrounded in illness I woke up feeling marginally better. Seeing as it is just gorgeous outside, I thought a walk downtown was in order.

Fresh air always does a body good.

The Beast was game so I clipped him to his leash and off we went. After stopping at the yarn store and the library we headed home.

It then became apparent the streets were oddly quiet. On a hunch, I checked the news.

Apparently a giant chemical cloud has escaped and Toronto residents are being "ordered" to stay indoors. I suppose I should have checked the news before I left, I just didn't expect a big ball of fury to be unleashed on the city.

I'm pretty far from the blanket of acid leaking from 10 Chemical Court, so maybe I'll head back to the yarn store later tonight.

I'm just that dangerous. Nobody "orders" me to do anything. Booyah.

With burning eyes,

L

Happy Halloween: A Foiled Pumpkin Plan

'Tis the Halloween season. Perhaps the best party season of the year, we were treated to have Friday and Saturday devoted to the evening of the dead. Sure, Christmas is fun, but all the eggnog can get a little boring (and never settles well with rum).

You know what does settle well with rum? A hot costume on a deliciously healthy body.

In the past I have held Halloween parties with a vengeance. One of my (and my roommates') best was a costume keg party, complete with Texas mickeys, random handcuffing and a live psychic.

This year, however, we were not as lucky. This year, the Newf, the Beast and myself have been fighting the stomach flu. Sexy. There has been so much fluid floating around here that we don't know which way is up; adding booze did not seem prudent (we only have one toilet).

Regardless of the bugs and bodily waste we thought it important to send a shoutout to one of the best holidays of the year. We had to set up on the sidewalk, close to the action and close to the kids. The Newf and I had an idea, one we had seen executed perfectly in the past.

We planned to plunk a pumpkin on my head, stuff my clothes with straw and set me up next to a bowl of candy. The Newf was going to lurk in the bushes with a video camera. When the unsuspecting children helped themselves I was going to jump to life and scare the living daylights out of these kids (and hopefully their parents).

If only we had gotten that far.

It took me forever to find a pumpkin. Apparently city folk have one size pumpkin: small. My head is size unusually large. We spent $30 on a pumpkin, thirty dollars, but it was a massive pumpkin. I scooped the guts out and drew a face on the bad boy while the Newf was at work. A hole was carefully carved in the bottom to ensure a tight, but comfortable, fit.

We had to give up on straw. Apparently city folk have no straw either; leaves would have to do. What they feed their livestock I do not know.

At the appointed hour I stuffed my clothes full of leaves (I assure you, it is not comfortable) and waddled out to the required chair.

With our plan ready to go and the sun setting the Newf hit the bushes. It was then I felt the gurgle; it was the gurgle of death.

"Newf, I don't feel so hot."

"Really? Are you okay?" the Newf inquired.

"Yeah, I guess. I just, I really don't feel good."

"Linds, you were fine five minutes ago. It is probably just nerves, you've always been the nervous type;" Newf suggested. "Besides, I think I see some kids!"

"Newf, I don't feel good, I gotta go."

"Lindsay, you are a scarecrow now. Scarecrows don't have stomachs, they have nerves of steel. Take a deep breath, it'll be fine. I promised you won't get arrested. There is a whole group of kids coming!"

I took a deep breath and that's when it all ended. We were so close.

I threw up in my pumpkin.

Not only did I vomit in the orange ball of bitterness, but I was trapped. I ended up on all fours, bringing up bile like it was going out of style, blindly pawing at the pumpkin, while a group of children watched. The Newf was laughing so hard he forgot to tape the scene (there is a God).

When I finally pulled my head out it was covered in puke. I had spew dripping down my face, pooling under my shirt collar and even up my nose.

"Cool!" one of the kids exclaimed. Not only was my plan thwarted, but these kids thought this was all a stunt.

"Oh really?" I questioned, still pissed off that my $30 pumpkin was now filled with the product of my purging.

I stepped towards the group and the kids' mother lost her cookies.

At least all was not lost: I was cool. She is just weak.

Needless to say, the Newf passed the candy out and I took a shower. There are no pictures; at least, there better not be.

Hope your tricks went as planned. Did you dress up?

Pickled in puke,

L

Music Monday: Cooper is Creepy

Good morning, my ghosts and goblins! I hope you had a horrifying weekend.

Seeing as we only recently had our socks rocked off, it seemed only fitting that we enjoy a scary tune to jump-start our week.

This week was exciting; I wanted to avoid the obvious choices and yet find something really soul wrenching.

I turned to creepy Alice Cooper, because this guy always gets the job done. Mr. Cooper has been around forever. We still have some vinyl kicking around from my Mom's dangerous days; she is still dangerous, but maternal at the same time. Think Mrs. Adams, but in colour (and pearls).

The interesting thing about this song is it was actually released in 2003, on Cooper's "The Eyes of Alice Cooper" record. The album actually had four different cover art versions; the only difference being the colour in Mr. Cooper's eyes. You can choose from blue, green, purple and red.

How thoughtful, you can match your album to your decor.

While you are choosing colours, please enjoy Alice Cooper's "This House is Haunted".

Please note the video above is not affiliated with Mr. Cooper, but was created by highwayrobberyrocker. The pictures are certainly interesting, but don't let the imagery overpower the poetry. Isn't this song darkly romantic?.

It creeps me right out. I can't help but think, that, maybe this is how you feel after your companion, the love of your life, passes.

Thoughts?

What Cooper colour would you choose?

Don't kid yourself into thinking this is it for the creepy crawlies. You may deck your halls next (or nosh on turkey for my American friends) but the ghosts will be close behind. The Christmas ghosts are the worst; who wants to focus on the past or present? Even worse, who wants to talk about the future?

Where does that leave us? Running; running from time, life and possibly turkeys.

I hope you've got some speed.

Giddy about ghosts,

L